[IVY]

TAKEN FROM CONSUMPTIONJUNCTION.COM
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Monday, June 20, 2005
Fellatio Follies

Danny finally finds a worthy place to put his paycheck.

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In today's day and age of sexual liberation, when boys and girls start having filthymonkey loveat a younger age, and sex sells at every corner in every city, at Consumption Junction we pride ourselves for bringing you Sick Fucks the finest and most depraved forms of carnal lust known to man. But I feel I must get something off my chest. For I am finally coming to terms with something I have known, yet kept locked away in the deepest recesses of my mind for a long time...

I hate blowjobs.

I can't stand them. They're a waste of my time. Almost every time some young drunken innocent slut muffin has begrudgingly put her lips around my swollen knobby trouser snake, I grow bored and flaccid. I don't know what is. Personally, I really just want to cut aside all the fluid swapping and just get down to the REAL reason I slipped that roofie in her drink earlier in the night: I just want to fuck. They all do the same thing, they put their lips sheepishly to the head of my dick, look up with eyes wide and concerned, as if looking for some sort of recognition from me, as if they want me to congratulate them for being a big enough girl to put my sweaty cock in their mouth. Bullshit. I just want to pound away at her slick and slimy baby chute and forgo all forms of foreplay. Does this make me a chauvinist, some sort of callous pig who just wants a warm, TIGHT hole to stick my cock in? Maybe, but I prefer to think of myself as just being practical.

In all my years, the only time I've ever shot a load of warm, astringent pussy pudding from fellatio was when I actually paid for it. She was a true professional, my friends, a no-nonsense business woman who was there to do the job and nothing else. She was blacker than a moonless midnight deep in the African Congo, with lips that looked like two halves of a Goodyear tire super glued to that slum beautiful face of hers. A good friend of mine called me up one day while he was working in the ghetto, and told me about her over the phone.

"Yo, Danny. What are you doing?"

Nothing. Talking to you, asshole. What's up?

"I got this bitch right here, she needs some money. You down?"

Down for what, and how much are we talking here, chief?

"30 dollars. It's the best head money can buy, I shit you not. My balls feel like they've been drained by a mechanical cow milker. I'll bring her over right now if you're interested."

And I thought to myself, Shit. I have 30 dollars burning ahole in my pocket right now. For another 30, I can go down to Tijuana and bang a pretty hot piece of Colombian snatch. But 30 bucks? Why not. Let's see what a professional can do.

So he drives her down tow here I'm working, and she went right to business. It couldn't have been more romantic if I planned it. In the men's bathroom, amidst the piss stains on the back wall, the vulgar graffiti, and the stench of last night's dinner expelled from a hundred assholes, she sat me down on the toilet seat and went to work. And every blowjob before, and every blowjob since this one, has been lackluster at best. I longed for the day when a woman would work my tool like we were both in porn, and here finally was my day in the limelight. She spit on my cock like it cock was cursing her name, all the way saying the nastiest shit I've ever heard come out of a chick's mouth.

"PTTOOEY!!! Yeah, white boy, yeah...I'm a kill this fuckin' cock, son...PTTOOEY!"
Then came the double fisted twisted kung fu grip, like something out of a satanic Kama Sutra she pulled and tugged at my cock, abusing it for 300 years of reparations for my people keeping her people in chains and slavery. For 15 minutes, she chewed and gnawed and sucked and molested my member, the pressure building in my balls like a clogged up firehose. But then, that familiar feeling started to build up in my stomach, a gurgling, churning, bubbling in my guts signaling the inevitable. Do I dare fart, and risk a prostitute's rage? Or worse yet, have my wiener bit off in a fit of methane-induced psychosis on her part? There was nothing I could do, because the more I tried to hold it in, the worse it got. Fuck it, I thought to myself, I'm white enough to be honest with her. So I told her, "Honey, I gotta fart. Don't be offended."

Without missing a beat, she looked me in my eyes, and with my cock still her mouth, she mumbled "S'ok, go ahead nigga."

So I did. And what was a fart became a steaming log of last night's dinner. Plop plop, fizz fizz, KER-SPLASH! And the strangest thing happened. The feeling of dropping the kids off at the pool, and her doing the Mouth Mambo on my cock and balls induced the biggest goddamned orgasm I've ever experienced. I swear, the condom reservoir tip almost burst in her mouth like a piece of Freshen-Up gum. A 30 dollar Blumpkin, and I didn't even have to ask for it. Fan-fucking-tastic.

But that was it. Never again have I experienced a cock suck like that one. Perhaps it's my curse in my life, for all the times I've swindled my way into some innocent college student's panties with promises of fame and cocaine, when in fact, I could provide neither.

But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying.

Ladies?
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I SAT HERE AND I WAS LIKE...W T F!?

[heat_blitz]

Hahaha, I just read that while browsing consumption junction.

[IVY]

Originally Posted by TheDude

Dam Ivy your a mother? Funny stuff

Yep.. ima proud mommy!

[IGotTheCottons]

That was... Um... Different?

LMAO! The way he described it though... Just paints such a graphic picture, lol... Good shit. Rep+ for the laugh.

[psiloshroom]

i was skeptical to read all that, but i laughed so hard at "S'ok, go ahead nigga."

good stuff ++

[TheBagman]

good stuff!

[jagfan]

nice

[stoned jude]

fart orgasm