[AnnonUSA]

Rejected Golden Books ....


1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It
Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Mary Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave
Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be
Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

[AnnonUSA]

Here's a sweet little story that will make the tears
well up in your eyes.
It's the kind of thing that really restores your faith
in human nature. I hope this helps you have a super day! This letter was
sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a
luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all humankind. Read it and forward it to all those who could use a lift. It's a great story.

Dear Safety Harbour Middle School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your
recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at
Safety Harbour Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. It's nice to know that someone really thinks of me. God blesses you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, even when she was napping. The other day her
radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and
she was in tears.

She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.

Sincerely, Edna Johnston

[AnnonUSA]

Don't Argue With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

[daiseyduked]

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

lmfa hahaha i really liked that one, lol that was my fav hahaha

[AnnonUSA]

Subject: 13 thoughts for today

13. Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

12. Life is sexually transmitted.

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

10. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an
erection, make him a sandwich.

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

8. Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

And the number one thought for the day:

1. You read about terrorists; most of them came here legally, but they
hung around on these expired visas, some as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with
a video and those people are all over you.
I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

[AnnonUSA]

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No!" the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!

[heat_blitz]

Lol!

[stoned jude]

oh and #16 lol!