[gilligan]

One of the toughest things about being a teacher is dealing with all the latest “syndromes” in our culture of victimization. Whenever a real problem like racism diminishes, there is always someone willing to redefine the problem to help maintain the population of “disadvantaged” Americans. This is usually followed by the invention of a new problem that actually increases the population of “disadvantaged” Americans. Consequently, victimization has become a growth industry that supplies more jobs for social workers despite their increasing irrelevance in relation to the real problems of modern society.

Often those fictional problems take the form of “disorders” like adult ADHD. I always know which of my students have been told that they suffer from adult ADHD. They are often late and sometimes leave class early to go potty, unlike most students who go potty before class begins. They blurt out the answers to my questions constantly – always without the courtesy of a raised hand. And, usually, they fall asleep in class (probably from exhaustion) after the fifteenth or twentieth interruption. Later, they are awakened by the cell phone they forgot to turn off before arriving in class.

After being diagnosed with ADHD, two things usually happen to the newly “disadvantaged” student. First, a psychologist tells the victim that he cannot pay attention nor control various impulses. Next, he is given a dosage of drugs. Neither one of these responses actually works. In fact, telling him that he cannot pay attention – rather than that he simply does not pay attention – usually reinforces the problem. The drugs don’t work because, again, the disorder is fictional.

But, fortunately, I have discovered a cure for students with this so-called disorder, which I am now sharing (free of charge, mind you) with my readers. Here’s how it works.

At the beginning of the semester I lay out a few ground rules with my students. For example, they are not to bring cell phones into my class. They are also forbidden from walking into class after the lecture has started. But I don’t just tell students not to do these things. I also make them sign an agreement (on the first day of class) that they will not do these things under penalty of writing a research paper if they break the promise.

The first student to ever violate the agreement was named Chris. After he walked into my class very late one day, then interrupted it approximately fifteen times by shouting out the (usually wrong) answer to a question, then fell asleep in class, then woke up and went potty (thankfully in the restroom, not in his seat), I sent him the following letter:

Chris: Your research paper this semester will take the form of an interview of either:

a) A teacher, or b) A psychologist.

If you choose "A," you will be asked to conduct an interview on how the teacher’s job is made more difficult when students 1) come to class late 2) sleep in class 3) interrupt the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand, and 4) get up and walk out in the middle of a lecture to go to the restroom.

If you choose "B," you will be asked to conduct an interview on the causes of the following behaviors: 1) coming to class late 2) sleeping in class 3) interrupting the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand, and 4) getting up and walking out in the middle of a lecture to go to the restroom.

Whether you choose "A" or "B," the paper must be, at present, one page long. It is due with your final exam. Between now and then, one more page will be added to the length of the paper, each time you 1) come to class late 2) sleep in class 3) interrupt the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand or 4) walk out of class during the lecture to go to the restroom.

If a medical condition is responsible for any of these behaviors, reasonable allowances will be made.

Dr. Mike S. Adams

Of course, Chris did write back to say that a medical condition – adult ADHD -was responsible for his behavior. But I quickly informed him that his condition was a fiction and that the behavior was fully under his control. Thus, the assignment stood.

Chris made the choice to cooperate. And, wouldn’t you know it, every one of the disruptive behaviors he exhibited disappeared the very next class period. Of course, he made that choice simply because it was easier than writing a 600 page research paper to cover the projected pace of about 600 interruptions he had set during the first few classes.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, and social workers around the world will surely be angry with this present column – largely because it provides a rather simple solution to a rather simple problem. They will no doubt also be angry over my seemingly calloused attitude towards those who suffer from adult ADHD. But I choose not to pay attention to them – remember, paying attention is a choice for adults – until they answer a few simple questions. For example:

1. Why did my solution work so immediately and so effectively after, presumably, years of therapy and drug prescriptions failed?
2. Will you continue to use the term “irresistible impulse” to describe what is obviously merely an impulse not resisted?
3. Are you at all concerned that other fictional disorders will be exposed by other equally simple experiments?
4. How can one be a part of a helping profession, if he does not, first and foremost, help people to help themselves?
5. And, finally, what will happen if you ever win your war upon free will? Will you protect people from the prospect of failure? Or will you deprive people of the prospect of success?

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/m...20050907.shtml

[TheBagman]

Originally Posted by Gilligan

I also make them sign an agreement (on the first day of class) that they will not do these things under penalty of writing a research paper if they break the promise.
Chris: Your research paper this semester will take the form of an interview of either:
a) A teacher, or b) A psychologist.
If you choose "A," you will be asked to conduct an interview on how the teacher’s job is made more difficult when students 1) come to class late 2) sleep in class 3) interrupt the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand, and 4) get up and walk out in the middle of a lecture to go to the restroom.
If you choose "B," you will be asked to conduct an interview on the causes of the following behaviors: 1) coming to class late 2) sleeping in class 3) interrupting the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand, and 4) getting up and walking out in the middle of a lecture to go to the restroom.
Whether you choose "A" or "B," the paper must be, at present, one page long. It is due with your final exam. Between now and then, one more page will be added to the length of the paper, each time you 1) come to class late 2) sleep in class 3) interrupt the lecture by blurting out answers without a raised hand or 4) walk out of class during the lecture to go to the restroom
.

Freakin' Genious!

Originally Posted by Gilligan

Psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, and social workers around the world will surely be angry with this present column – largely because it provides a rather simple solution to a rather simple problem. They will no doubt also be angry over my seemingly calloused attitude towards those who suffer from adult ADHD. But I choose not to pay attention to them – remember, paying attention is a choice for adults – until they answer a few simple questions. For example:
. Why did my solution work so immediately and so effectively after, presumably, years of therapy and drug prescriptions failed?
2. Will you continue to use the term “irresistible impulse” to describe what is obviously merely an impulse not resisted?
3. Are you at all concerned that other fictional disorders will be exposed by other equally simple experiments?
4. How can one be a part of a helping profession, if he does not, first and foremost, help people to help themselves?
5. And, finally, what will happen if you ever win your war upon free will? Will you protect people from the prospect of failure? Or will you deprive people of the prospect of success?

ahahahahaha!

[NorcalToker]

I can show up on time not blurt out answers and look like im paying attention but it all goes in one ear and out the other. This doesn't cure adult add it just takes away the symptoms that annoy this guy the most.

and no I have not been diagnosed with ADD this just seems like some punk trying to make himself feel better by belittleing others.

[NorcalToker]

oh I completely agree that that kind of behavior is controllable but I wouldn't completely dismiss the idea of ADD either.

[AnnonUSA]

Everyone that does anything today has a Syndrome of some sort. It's Re-God-Damm-Diculas.

When I was young, you didn't get diagnosed with a syndrome for every problem, you got a swift kick in the ass and got on with your life. There are too many quacks out there today.

[KO]

well, i do believe in ADHD, but thats not to say that this type of solution wont work in most situations. Plus I also beleive 90% of those diagnosed with it are just being jackasses. That said, i do believe that there is a small portion of these people, that really do have a problem, and actions like this might get you in a bit of trouble, purposfully setting criteria that someone that truely has a severe case, which ive definatly seen, and these individuals if treated like this, is abuse of them.

[MexicanGreen]

ADHD should come w/ a baseball bat to beat the kid w/ i garantee if sum chick showed up sayin i have cancer this is yur kid and then died right there, and the kid had "adhd" he'd get that knocked outta him within the first day.. then he'd go to social services

[TheBagman]

I slept through my entire two years of French class. No lie. 80% of class time I was asleep, and I still managed to get a C+..

[Tasha]

...I was "diagnosed" with ADHD from about 7 to fucking 15, I took adderall the whole entire time

Doing that to the kid is possibly the WORSE thing you can ever do, not only while I am zoned out on the drugs I do not really ever talk, I also miss out on being a kid, it pisses me the fuck off.

If any doctor ever told me my 6-7 year old child has ADHD I will punch them in the face and leave the doctor's office.

All it takes is self-dicipline if you fucking aren't "paying attention" which is pretty much a way of a doctor telling you your kid isn't interested and THAT'S WHY HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING.

[AnnonUSA]

I slept through World History in High School. I passed - Barely.

I had syndromes to account for the poor performance though.

JHG syndrome - This is the I JUST HAD GYM syndrome, where you are too tired to associate with anything or anybody for about an hour. This syndrome was enhanced by the I just smoked joints and did like 30mg of Valium syndrome.

I made a deal with the teacher, if I didn't disrupt the class, she let me sleep there....

[gilligan]

i have been told i have add. Never took a drug for it.

Give a kid with "add" a ps2 controler, if he can play for an hr, he doesnt have add, he is just fucking bored and ADD is his excuse to act the fool.

The belt is a good cure for ADD imo.

[Tasha]

I think the joke is..

"If a kid has ADD in school just give him a controller and he can play halo 2 for 8 hours."

[DancinJerrbears]

oh i got really confused... i coudnt decide if you were a teacher or not

[DancinJerrbears]

oh now i remember my point. When i was in 5th grade i demanded i be taken off ritalin and my parents did it. My grades went up considerably