[AnnonUSA]

If men wrote advice columns

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

~Author Unknown

[Mr. Zilla]

thats just why men dont write advice colums that and they just dont give a shit

[TheBagman]

I give a shit.

[elroypornlab]

Yea me toooooo

[TacoSusio]

Yeah, me three. I LOVE a good meal prepared lovingly after a blowjob.

[CallMeHerb]

a bj and a nice meal. fixes anything and everything.

[dan, muthafucka!]

if cynical drunks wrote advice columns then i'd have an easy job

[daiseyduked]

well shit......i hade it good and i didn't even know it...

[stoned jude]

what is all this cook a nice meal crap?
and it's a nice time to clean the house?
fuckin A

[Crash]

Q: My husband and I never talk anymore, all he wants to do is sit around, drink beer, and watch football, what can I do to get him to stop ignoring me?!

A: Talking is one of the male species greatest weaknesses, and expecting a man to be great at this is very selfish and uninformed. How about this: the next time your husband decides to relax on the couch after a hard week at work, talk to him in a barley there cheerleader outfit, while gently stroking an ice cold beer. Look directly into his eyes, passionatley, and say "dinners ready honey." Then, immediatley hand him a turkey leg, and perform oral sex on your husband, taking care to stay out of his line of sight with the television. You are already on your way to a happier, healtheir, and more interactive relationship!

[Crash]

Um, someone wanna tell me why this one post duplicated itself 4 times? maybe it was so good it had to spread the word ASAP?