[elroypornlab]

People are always asking me what the qualities of the perfect wife are. Mostly men. That’s because women don’t give a fuck about what makes a perfect wife.

Have you ever seen a “romantic” comedy? I say “romantic” because what it should be is “woman” comedy — and by woman I mean “shitty” or “not a”. Those bullshit movies are all about how horrible and fucking stupid women can behave whilst the right thing to do is staring them in face like a Stop sign, and how some poor schmuck with a job that lets him loaf around town all day doing nothing can be guilted into putting up with getting fucked over for two hours and calling a spade with a shrew nose a fucking prize pig by the end of it all.

Maybe instead of romantic comedies they should be called documentaries.

The perfect wife is one who knows when to shut the fuck up. That’s it. I think Indiana Jones said it best.

“You’re insulting them and you’re embarrassing me.” -Indiana Jones

That’s all women do when they speak: insult and embarrass; them and me respectively. That’s why the perfect wife just has to know when to shut the fuck up. I’ve always said women are like works of art. Even if they’re atrocious and moody (which they mostly are) they can be enjoyed because you can look away or close your eyes whenever you’re done with them.

For some help on this topic, here’s my helpful set of rules for women on knowing when the fuck to shut the fuck up. I call it Dick’s Guide On The Prudence Of Women Shutting The Fuck Up.

1. Shut up when a man is talking or when a man starts to talk.
2. Shut up when a man stops talking suddenly.

That first rule is a man-obvious one, even wild animals follow it. The second, however, is the key to the perfect wife. It’s the extra mile. See, when a woman is speaking and insulting and embarrassing everyone, the man she’s with will likely stop speaking from insult or embarrassment. It happens every day. I used to be a bartender so you can trust me on that one.

Imagine you’re at a cricket match. You don’t know how the game works because fucking no one does, but you know when to cheer and when to leave. It’s because everyone else is doing it. That’s all I’m saying here. Women don’t know how to speak or be civilized. It’s like cricket to them. Women just need to take their cues on shutting the fuck up from everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s smart (womanly speaking).

Let me put it like this. You know how we have toilets as a species? That’s because running around shitting all over ourselves and sleeping in it is for animals, not for humans. Humans doing it would be embarrassing. When women speak it’s exactly the same thing. It makes all men feel a little less human. It reminds us that yes, we too were once running around shitting all over ourselves and trying to eat fucking rocks or some stupid shit like that — something nearly as stupid as a twenty minute conversation on why American football is “practically the same game” that football is in the rest of the world.

What the fuck?

[Gag]

Fuckin A Elroy, Fuckin A!!!

I found that pretty comical, +1.

[ßü††|맧]

Originally Posted by Gag

Fuckin A Elroy, Fuckin A!!!

I found that pretty comical, +1.

Once you have a little more experience under your belt you will understand this is in no way comical.

[elroypornlab]

It's funny because it's true

[ßü††|맧]

And that makes it quite sad.

[elroypornlab]

We live in a society that has made it so most men walk around like neutered fucking dogs

[ßü††|맧]

If you are a man you are wrong by default, and even worse if you are a white man.

[Gag]

This is quite true.

This is also why I plan on dying lonely.

I've dated a handful of chicks in my day, and from those experiences I've realized I want nothing to do with the emotional needs of women, ever.

[Gag]

Originally Posted by elroypornlab

We live in a society that has made it so most men walk around like neutered fucking dogs

It's also known as the pussification of the modern male.

[scarymoose]

never trust something that bleeds for 3 days and doesnt die

[Gag]

Lmao.

Mr. Garrison is a wise man.

[elroypornlab]

i'm sure Like me the rest of you were taught from an early age that women should be treated as ladies. Well I grew up a bit a realized with the exception of a vast minority women are mostly aggravating money hungry social drama queens with no real insight in to the world. So I don't say ma'am i don't hold open doors I don't pull out chairs and i damn sure don't buy drinks for bitches who are there for that reason you know to get free drinks

I am a happily married man. I found an exception but I see this moody self centered feminist bullshit being crushed down peoples throats and it makes me wanna fucking puke. ow now it's O.K for dudes to be all touchy fealy and act like complete fuckin girls but i don't blame the men they are just doing what they think will get them laid you know baser instinct spread the seed an all take my best buddy for example i've personally seen this dude pull a bullet out of his own leg seen him eat 9 fully loaded Nathans hot dogs and the other day while he's in the hospital mind you he is fucking yes dear and no dear and here is my penis dear to this new cunt he is with........................FUCK YOU BITCH

[Gag]

This thread is actually annoying me quite the bit, I dispise all that prince charming shit guys try to do in a desperate attempt to get poon. Me, I don't put on an act.

I talk to chicks the same way I talk to guys. Saying whatever I want and in loud obnoxious tones. If a lady can't take me for who I am, I don't want her.

Makes you wonder how many guys put on that prince charming act and ended up marrying a chick who otherwise wouldn't have accepted them as they really are. Poor bastards.